Me again.
This post is going to suck.
On March 10, 2020 my gastroenterologist sounded the alarm to me about COVID-19. She told me to stop taking the train to work via a text conversation. I even tweeted about it, how I asked if she was blowing things out of proportion. Clearly she wasn't, but back then I hesitated and thought "what will others think if I do this now?" But I followed her advice. And now look where we are.
Today is March 23, 2020.
I have a lot of friends and colleagues who work in hospitals. A lot. Whether they're at the hospital I too work at but have the privilege to be "non-essential" and work from home or the people I've connected with at conferences or via Twitter. I know a lot of people in health care all over the world. My gastroenterologist, the one who sounded the alarm, is a close friend. Her husband, the head of pulmonology and intensive care at a major hospital in Chicago.
In my own department, we have a video-meeting (because my whole life is conducted via a computer screen these days) twice a week to discuss the developments of life seeing patients during COVID-19 for our division. While I'm not seeing any patients, research operations have come to a halt and do get discussed briefly. So I attend. But I really attend to hear what my friends are going through. And I listen to their voices. How stoic many of them are.
But their words sound like those who are going into battle. Soldiers. They have concern for their peers. They decide older physicians won't be tasked with seeing patients to protect them. They discuss personal protective equipment (PPE) and the coming shortages and the indefinite situation of some of them falling ill.
The last call we had was on Thursday, March 19th. Since then, we received an email that the hospital is gravely low on supplies. Guidance was offered on how best to conserve N-95 masks. And we haven't even gotten started here in Chicago in terms of cases. The "surge" is expected to start this week.
While the governor issued a stay at home order effective Saturday at 5pm, I fear it was too late. Politics and human nature got in the way.
Instead of being the frog placed in the boiling water that jumps out, we are the frog in the cool water placed on the stove being brought to a boil. This is fine. It's just getting a bit warmer, but it'll be ok.
I'll say it. States who still have not enacted "lockdowns" are screwed. Our completely out-of-hand political divisions will result in hundreds of thousands of people dying and millions suffering, some being left with permanent lung damage. Which is a shitty way to live and die.
How do I know? I watched my 77 year-old father die of respiratory failure last July. It's not fun. If you want to read more about that, go here:
https://twitter.com/DrTiffTaft/status/1238860415725121538?s=20
I can't watch any news on the topic, especially presidential briefings which turn into ridiculous attempts at boasting about what a great job our federal government is doing. I rely on limited online sources, but mostly the words of my friends and colleagues.
Because there's a good chance some of them are going to either get seriously ill or die.
I was given 2 weeks heads up from my friend to get used to not going out for a while, so I've been mentally prepared for this. Now I need to start mentally preparing for the tragic losses that may hit me over the coming months. They may hit me repeatedly, or simultaneously. I won't be able to go to their funerals. Nobody will. If I'd known two weeks ago would have been the last time I would see some of them, I would have made a better effort to say goodbye. But nobody really knew how bad this would get here in the United States then. If I could turn back time I would.
I told you this post was going to suck.
While I wrote this mostly for myself, to process the immense worry that has come over me since the email about PPE shortages came into my inbox yesterday, I'm going to share it with you in case you are still on the fence about the gravity of this situation. If you consider going to a gathering or to the store with 1,000 others as people continue to panic buy, please remember what I wrote about my friends. And their friends. And anyone in your life who might be a nurse or a physician or working in hospital environmental services or transport or food service or any other service team member in a hospital. I guarantee you know someone deemed "essential."
Stay home as much as you can. Take the proper precautions. If you get offended by that request, have a seat and really think about why.
Is it because you feel disrespected? This isn't about you being respected.
Is it because you'll be seen as weak? This isn't about you being weak. But maybe it is about being vulnerable. Two different things.
Is it because you're really also afraid, deep down? It's ok, because we all are.
-T2
This post is going to suck.
On March 10, 2020 my gastroenterologist sounded the alarm to me about COVID-19. She told me to stop taking the train to work via a text conversation. I even tweeted about it, how I asked if she was blowing things out of proportion. Clearly she wasn't, but back then I hesitated and thought "what will others think if I do this now?" But I followed her advice. And now look where we are.
I have a lot of friends and colleagues who work in hospitals. A lot. Whether they're at the hospital I too work at but have the privilege to be "non-essential" and work from home or the people I've connected with at conferences or via Twitter. I know a lot of people in health care all over the world. My gastroenterologist, the one who sounded the alarm, is a close friend. Her husband, the head of pulmonology and intensive care at a major hospital in Chicago.
In my own department, we have a video-meeting (because my whole life is conducted via a computer screen these days) twice a week to discuss the developments of life seeing patients during COVID-19 for our division. While I'm not seeing any patients, research operations have come to a halt and do get discussed briefly. So I attend. But I really attend to hear what my friends are going through. And I listen to their voices. How stoic many of them are.
But their words sound like those who are going into battle. Soldiers. They have concern for their peers. They decide older physicians won't be tasked with seeing patients to protect them. They discuss personal protective equipment (PPE) and the coming shortages and the indefinite situation of some of them falling ill.
The last call we had was on Thursday, March 19th. Since then, we received an email that the hospital is gravely low on supplies. Guidance was offered on how best to conserve N-95 masks. And we haven't even gotten started here in Chicago in terms of cases. The "surge" is expected to start this week.
While the governor issued a stay at home order effective Saturday at 5pm, I fear it was too late. Politics and human nature got in the way.
Instead of being the frog placed in the boiling water that jumps out, we are the frog in the cool water placed on the stove being brought to a boil. This is fine. It's just getting a bit warmer, but it'll be ok.
I'll say it. States who still have not enacted "lockdowns" are screwed. Our completely out-of-hand political divisions will result in hundreds of thousands of people dying and millions suffering, some being left with permanent lung damage. Which is a shitty way to live and die.
How do I know? I watched my 77 year-old father die of respiratory failure last July. It's not fun. If you want to read more about that, go here:
https://twitter.com/DrTiffTaft/status/1238860415725121538?s=20
I can't watch any news on the topic, especially presidential briefings which turn into ridiculous attempts at boasting about what a great job our federal government is doing. I rely on limited online sources, but mostly the words of my friends and colleagues.
Because there's a good chance some of them are going to either get seriously ill or die.
I was given 2 weeks heads up from my friend to get used to not going out for a while, so I've been mentally prepared for this. Now I need to start mentally preparing for the tragic losses that may hit me over the coming months. They may hit me repeatedly, or simultaneously. I won't be able to go to their funerals. Nobody will. If I'd known two weeks ago would have been the last time I would see some of them, I would have made a better effort to say goodbye. But nobody really knew how bad this would get here in the United States then. If I could turn back time I would.
I told you this post was going to suck.
While I wrote this mostly for myself, to process the immense worry that has come over me since the email about PPE shortages came into my inbox yesterday, I'm going to share it with you in case you are still on the fence about the gravity of this situation. If you consider going to a gathering or to the store with 1,000 others as people continue to panic buy, please remember what I wrote about my friends. And their friends. And anyone in your life who might be a nurse or a physician or working in hospital environmental services or transport or food service or any other service team member in a hospital. I guarantee you know someone deemed "essential."
Stay home as much as you can. Take the proper precautions. If you get offended by that request, have a seat and really think about why.
Is it because you feel disrespected? This isn't about you being respected.
Is it because you'll be seen as weak? This isn't about you being weak. But maybe it is about being vulnerable. Two different things.
Is it because you're really also afraid, deep down? It's ok, because we all are.
-T2